Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
