Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
