Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
