he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
