He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
