i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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