K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
high people should be assigned attendants
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
