at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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