Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
