I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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