I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
