i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am midnight drunk by noon
meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
