i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
