Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
