You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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