I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
