At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
