How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
