Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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