I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So squirting runs in the family.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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