went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
