sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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