Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
