i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
