unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
