Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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