I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
