Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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