I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
