his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
