Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
