I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
