Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
