so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
