my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
