so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
