I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
