did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
