really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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