Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
