you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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