my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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