I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
