theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
