Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize