1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
