so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
