The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
