There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
