so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
