you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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