That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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