so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
