She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
