I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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