the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
