Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
