just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
