Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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