i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Damn victory sex feels great
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
