Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
