you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
