Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
